


Like We're Always in the Dark

by theheartbelieves



Category: Where the Truth Lies (2005)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Dammit Lawrence Morris, Enthusiastic dubious consent, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Give Vince Collins a Hug, Idiots in Love, Lanny is an ass, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Vinny - Freeform, if you've seen the film you know what you're in for, minus death, no death here, replace the death with gay love, sex under the influence, unsafe swimming practices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13697280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheartbelieves/pseuds/theheartbelieves
Summary: "It's just... Just the drugs, ok?"Vince answers without thinking. "Ok."An inebriated moment leads to another and another. Vince knows he shouldn't say yes, but he can't say no.





	Like We're Always in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Ellie Goulding song This Love (Will Be Your Downfall), which yes, is on my Vinny fanmix.
> 
> Takes place before the film. Ruben doesn't work for the boys yet. Hopefully, he never will.
> 
> Apologies. This is unbeta-ed. My beta reader's brain has melted in the heat for the time being.

After a particularly successful show, Vince and Lanny decide to party with some audience members. The champagne flows. The Tuinals are passed around. They ride the post-show high. Everything is laughter and smiles. The best part for Vince though, is that Lanny stays close to him all night. He flashes Vince that Lanny smile, like they share a secret. That smile always makes Vince feel like they’re unshakable; that it will always be Lanny and him.

Everything is right with the world when it’s just the two of them.

Sometime past midnight, their companions tap out, but Lanny and Vince can’t bring themselves to care. They stumble back to their room, higher and drunker than they’ve ever been. Their arms are slung around each other, their suits mussed. Lanny has lost his jacket somewhere. They're laughing - at the night, at themselves. Vince can’t remember the last time it was like this, just the two of them having a great time.  
  
It takes both of them to get the door unlocked and inside. Lanny is trying to help Vince and Vince is trying to help Lanny, tripping over each other. When they finally manage to get through the door, Lanny loses his balance while shutting it but he doesn't let go of Vince. Vince falls with him and ends up pressing Lanny against the door. He laughs in Lanny’s face. Everything is so _funny,_  he can barely breathe.  
  
"So very sorry," he stutters out through the giggles.  
  
"s'my fault and-" Lanny smiles at him, face flushed. "Not complaining"  
  
It's only then that Vince notices that Lanny's hands are on his hips, fingers stroking curiously. Vince's mouth goes dry. Suddenly, it’s not so funny.  
  
"Lan-"  
  
"Do you wanna...?" Lanny asks, and Vince isn’t positive what he’s asking until one of Lanny’s thumbs traces his hip bone.  
  
Vince's head is a million miles away, like he's watching this unfold from a distance, but his body... His body immediately _wants_ .  
  
"God, yes," he says, and Lanny pulls them together. He's hard. Hell, Vince is hard. When had that happened?  
  
They're kissing and rutting against one another. It's wonderful and horrible. Everything is electric but immediately slips from his mind in an illusive blur. He knows all of this will be a fog tomorrow. Then Lanny breaks the kiss. His words are barely understandable.  
  
"It's just... Just the drugs, OK?"  
  
Vince answers without thinking. "OK."  
  
Lanny kisses him again and rolls his hips. It's not OK, but that too, slips through Vince's fingers, washed away on the rising tide of pressure and pleasure and _Lanny_ .  
  
Neither of them have the wherewithal to undress, so they thrust against each other fully clothed. Like bloody schoolboys, Vince thinks, but can’t stop himself. Not with Lanny pliant and needy against him. It feels like they’ve barely begun when Vince’s orgasm creeps up on him and tumbles him under. The next thing he knows, Lanny is pushing him away. Vince leans against the door and watches as Lanny weaves his way unsteadily to his bedroom.  
  
Vince, feeling marginally more clear headed after coming, slides to the floor. He knows he's going to regret this in the morning, but right now- He desperately gathers the snapshots he can remember and files them away: Lanny's flushed cheeks, the feel of the man's tongue against his, the insistent fingers digging into Vince's hips, the way Lanny had shuddered when he came...  
  
It's minutes or hours later when Vince finally makes his way to his own room and showers. The momentary clarity he’d had is gone and the world swims pleasingly, carrying him along, caught in the eddy of the moment. He collapses into bed, limbs heavy and body satisfied, even if he can’t quite think of why.

\---

When he wakes, the first thing he sees is his soiled tux crumpled in the corner. Confusion is followed by remembering. Remembering is followed by horror.

He takes his time getting dressed. They have hours yet before they perform and Vince can’t very well hide from Lanny until then. Not without admitting guilt. He feels it, but he’ll never admit it.  
  
When he finally appears from his room, Vince expects anger. Vince expects awkwardness. What Vince doesn't expect is for things to continue as normal. Lanny is in his bathrobe, reading the paper. There are the remains of a late room service breakfast in front of him. He looks up at Vince-

And smiles.

He points at a covered platter across from him. “I ordered your usual since you were having a lie-in.”  
  
As he eats his meal, Vince studies Lanny’s face. Not a glimmer of any recrimination. Either Lanny is a better liar than Vince ever knew or- Or he doesn’t remember. Regardless, neither of them mentions it and life continues as normal. Vince slowly stops stealing glances at Lanny, looking for recollection or resentment; anything _off_. He never finds it.

Their routine continues, except that Vince revisits that stolen moment against the door every time he touches himself. He does it reluctantly, guiltily, but nothing else will suffice anymore. He closes his eyes and pulls up the scattered images and sensations:

_Flushed face, hot tongue, the bruises on his hips that had taken days to heal..._

  
He always comes hard and quick, but then it’s back to ignoring it and feeling guilty - not about having gone along with it, but for wanting it again. He wants it so badly he can taste it, and his mind, his traitorous mind, conjures up and extrapolates and slowly tries to drive him mad. Still, he does his best.

That is, until Lanny gets too high again and Vince, drunk himself, has to help his partner up to their suite. For the first time in weeks, he’s not even thinking about kissing Lanny. He’s more concerned about the headache he’s sure to wake up with.  
  
This time, Lanny doesn't even ask. He pushes Vince down on the chaise and kisses him. Vince considers pushing him off. He _should_ push him off. But then Lanny angles his head and swipes his tongue into Vince's mouth with a whimper. There's no going back after that.  
  
Vince manages to clumsily get their pants down this time, enough to grab Lanny’s ass and pull him hard against Vince. When he feels Lanny's cock against his own, skin to skin. He throws back his head and curses roughly.  
  
Lanny licks a stripe up his neck and Vince has to curse again.  
  
"You're going to fucking kill me," he groans. But what a death, he thinks.  
  
Vince works a hand between them and wraps it around both their cocks. Lanny buries his face in Vince's neck and moans desperately, his hips thrusting and grinding against Vince. He fists a hand in Lanny's hair and pulls him back to kiss him. The man is so far gone. There's no finesse, just pure want and instinct.  
  
Lanny breaks the kiss, eyes closed and words tumble, garbled from his mouth. "Ohgod. Oh... Vin- Vince. Fuck. I'm-"  
  
That's all the warning Vince gets before Lanny comes, collapsing on top of Vince. Vince is shocked.  
  
Lanny had said his name. He was... Aware. Vince's cock throbs, demanding attention.  
  
Lanny flops off of Vince and throws an arm over his eyes unceremoniously. Just like that, Vince is dismissed.  
  
He barely makes it to his room before he has himself in hand again, Lanny's come as lube. It only takes a few strokes before he's coming with Lanny's name stifled against the back of his other hand.  
  
What has he gotten himself into?  
  
Just as before, it’s business as usual. The next few weeks are smooth sailing, but Vince is walking on eggshells. Now that he's had Lanny - twice, even - he can think of nothing else. It occupies his every waking moment and most of his sleeping ones too. He’s afraid he’s going to slip up. He’s afraid Lanny will remember, that he’ll finally _know._

  
Their run at their current hotel is coming to a close and that usually means a good binge for the two of them, but when the night arrives, Vince is too nervous to do more than sip at a  few glasses of champagne. Lanny, however, goes all in. Vince has to drag him away from the hotel bar, slightly embarrassed by his best friend. He doesn’t remember when Lanny started indulging like this.  
  
"OK, easy does it," he mutters as he eases Lanny through the front door and helps him to his bedroom.  
  
He means to dump the high and inebriated man on his bed and bid a hasty retreat, but when he tips Lanny towards the mattress, the man grabs ahold of him and they tumble into bed together. Vince lands awkwardly on Lanny, but manages to put most of his weight on his knees between Lanny's legs. Lanny makes a _OOMPF_ sound but his hands are immediately on Vince, groping him..  
  
"What are you doing?" Vince asks. He should be amused or embarrassed, but much to his chagrin, he’s aroused.  
  
"Want you," he answers.  
  
Vince digs his heels in, stubbornly. No. Not this time. He tries to extricate himself from Lanny’s grip. "You're half passed out as it is. It's not going to happen."  
  
Lanny shakes his head, eyes glazed. "M'fine."  
  
As if to prove it, Lanny wraps his legs around Vince's waist and pulls him down. It's ungraceful but effective. Lanny cups Vince's face and kisses him and he rocks his hips up, grinding in small, maddening circles.  
  
Vince wants to leave. This has gone on long enough. It hurts to only have Lanny like this, when Vince can be forgotten as a drunken mistake.  
  
But his resolve crumbles away when Lanny softly begs. "Please, Vin. I need you."  
  
Vince presses a palm to Lanny's chest and pushes him down. "What do you need?"  
  
"Fuck me," Lanny says, boldly meeting his gaze. "I touch myself... Imagine it's you... But it's never enough. I need- please."  
  
All the air seems to rush out of Vince's lungs and he sways. Lanny's eyes have gone unfocused as he continues to rub himself against Vince.  
  
"Did it today... Before the show. Couldn't come..." Lanny squeezes Vince hips with his thighs and thrusts hard, their erections rubbing against each other.  
  
Vince gasps. He can't- but he can't stop himself. He fumbles with Lanny's belt and slacks. Lanny reluctantly releases him to allow Vince to peel them off, along with his shoes. When he has Lanny bared to him, naked from the waist down, ass on the edge of the bed, Vince stares. His hands still on his own belt.  
  
"Lanny... Are you sure?" He hates himself for asking, for even contemplating this when Lanny is so compromised.  
  
Lanny lets his head loll to the side and looks up at Vince. He doesn't answer. He merely bends his knees and tilts his hips. Christ- Vince can see everything, even the tell tale sheen of lubricant. Lanny hadn't been lying. He'd had his fingers inside himself earlier today, thinking about him, Vince. He’d been slick during their performance. Vince curses roughly.  
  
And then it occurs to Vince: Lanny had been completely sober before the show.  
  
Vince's eyes snap up to meet Lanny's. There's a lazy, sly smile on the man's lips.  
  
Vince barely manages to unfasten his pants and hitch them low on his hips before he's between Lanny's legs. He slides his cock against the slickness he'd seen and both of them moan. Vince's angles his hips and presses, gently, teasingly against Lanny's entrance.  
  
Vince knows he should use his fingers first. He knows he should make Lanny's first time sweet and slow. He knows that he probably shouldn't even be doing this.  
  
But then Lanny's legs are around him, pulling him in. Vince uses every ounce of his willpower not to sink in at once. He fights against Lanny even though the man is making small, needy noises. The ring of muscle gives. Vince pulls back. He rocks his hips, shaking, but letting Lanny get used to the sudden stretch. It’s easier than it should be and Vince wonders how often Lanny touches himself to the thought of Vince. He wants to ask.  
  
"More," Lanny begs. His eyes are closed tight.  
  
A few more inches. Lanny's still slick and loose from before and Vince grabs his hips. He wants... He wants... But he pulls back and gently pushes in. It's excruciating. It’s everything Vince has ever wanted.  
  
When Lanny relaxes, eyes glazed and staring at the ceiling, Vince changes the angle and pulls at Lanny. He rolls his hips, searching- Lanny suddenly gasps and arches against Vince. He can't help himself. Vince gives in and buries himself all the way in Lanny. Lanny grabs at him and pulls him down for a desperate, sloppy kiss.  
  
"Vin- oh, fuck. Vin! Do that again."  
  
Vince fucks Lanny hard, cataloguing every stutter in Lanny's breathing, every sigh, the feeling of being buried inside the man he loves. His heart aches with it. But behind it all is the fear that Lanny will remember this and regret, or worse yet, not remember at all. Because Vince will always remember this. Vince will never stop wanting this. Even as he fucks Lanny, he knows that this could be their undoing.  
  
He has Lanny shaking wildly before he comes, and when he does, he clings to Vince like a lifeline, face pressed into his neck.  
  
"Never- never knew- it could be- like this..."  
  
Vince tumbles over the edge at Lanny words - so much like a confession - and has to bite his tongue to keep from admitting the words he wants to say.  
  
When Vince is able to, he untangles himself from Lanny. His legs are shaky underneath him. He turns to go get a washcloth to clean Lanny up, but the man grabs his wrist.  
  
"Don't leave."  
  
Vince freezes and looks down at him. He's the image of debauchery and Vince's heart hurts with how much he loves him. He kisses the fingers around his wrist.  
  
"I'll be right back." He washes up in the bathroom and tucks himself away. Looking at himself in the mirror, his suit looks rumpled but there's nothing to suggest what he just did, that he'd just had the best sex of his life. He feels like he should look different, that it should be branded across his forehead for all the world to see.

  
He returns and gently cleans Lanny up. The man lays there, watching him through half-lidded eyes. He is compliant and almost boneless from the mixture of drugs and endorphins. Vince manages to get the rest of Lanny's clothes off and get him under the covers. He's nearly asleep so Vince almost misses what he mumbles under his breath.  
  
"Please."  
  
He leans closer and Lanny cracks his eyes.  
  
"Please stay."  
  
Vince sighs, torn with indecision, but Lanny wins. He unceremoniously undresses and slides under the covers. Lanny grabs his arm and rolls away, pulling Vince up against his back. Vince holds him and buries his face in Lanny's hair. Simply, cruelly, Lanny sighs in contentment.  
  
In a lot of ways, it's better than the sex, but mostly it just gives Vince a taste of what he’ll never have. Vince tries not to think about the morning and falls asleep with Lanny in his arms.

\---  
  
Vince wakes and Lanny's gone. Here it is: the other shoe. It has dropped and Vince can’t move under the weight of it. He lies staring at the ceiling for a long time. He wants to cry. He wishes he would cry. Anything to relieve the overwhelming ache in his chest and throat.  
  
He finally rouses himself and finds that Lanny's packed. He's gone. Vince is filled with a bone-deep numbness. Good, he thinks. It’ll help him survive.

He changes, gathers his things and checks out of the hotel. There’s not even a message left at the front desk. After a run like this, they usually vacationed together. They'd planned on getting away, off to somewhere sunny. Instead, Vince buys himself a ticket to California where his empty house is waiting. The entire flight, he keeps smelling Lanny on his skin. The memories chip away at the numbing ice around his heart and has to struggle to hold it together. Of course he would choose now, of all times to fall apart; surrounded by strangers on a crowded plane. He stares out the window, tries not to think, and simply breathes.  
  
He just barely manages to make it home, his house dark and empty, before collapsing into bed and sobbing himself to sleep.  
  
The next morning, Vince wakes late, eyes aching and back stiff. He lays for a few moments until memory catches up with him. He rolls over and goes back to sleep.  
  
He doesn't wake again until the sun is low. Only then does he make himself get up and shower. The whole time questions loop around and around his mind. _Why? Why? Why?_  
  
And then the big one: _Where?_  
  
Where was Lanny?  
  
He calls Lanny's house when he gets dressed but the call rings out. Vince proceeds to get very, very drunk.  
  
He wakes midday to the hottest day LA has seen in a long time. The sun burns white and intense overhead, and Vince hates the world. He downs a handful of aspirin and then two Tuinals for good measure. He puts on his swim trunks and his darkest sunglasses and wades into the relative coolness of his pool.  
  
It's just a small thing. Good for laps and general lounging about, but it's perfect for what Vince needs right now. He floats on his back, ears blocked by the water and eyes staring at the sky. When the Tuinals kick in, he has a dizzying moment of vertigo where he feels like he might be looking down into the sky, like he might fall, but then he relaxes into the disorientation and it's like he's not even in his body anymore. Perfect. Just what he needs.  
  
He closes his eyes and contemplates what would happen if he drown here. Who would find his body? Who would tell Lanny? Would Lanny feel guilt? Regret? Relief? He realises that he doesn’t truly know how Lanny feels about him. Vince had always assumed they were like family. They’d chosen each other time and time again over everyone else.

Funny that it would be choosing each other that would break them apart.

In his head, he hears Lanny telling him that he wants Vince, that he needs him. He hears Lanny’s gasps and moans and a whispered, desperate _Stay._

“Vince.” He hears from far away or as if muffled.  
  
He hears Lanny's voice and realises belatedly it's not in his head. He flails, righting himself in the pool. Even with the water to buoy him, Vince feels unsteady. Two Tuinals after last night's binge was too many.  
  
Lanny is standing on the pool steps in khaki shorts and a pink oxford, looking far better than he should be allowed.  
  
"Earth to Vincent. Come in Vincent." Lanny's tone is playful and anger rises in Vince's chest.  
  
"What'r you doin’ here?" His words come out slurred and Lanny's brow furrows. He descends a few steps. The hem of his shorts gets wet, wicking water up an inch or so and turning the fabric dark.  
  
"I'm- I needed to talk to you," he says, dropping all pretense of joviality. "Isn't it a little early to be partying?"  
  
"You left me," Vince accuses, ignoring the question.  
  
"I did. I'm sorry. I-"  
  
"You left me!" Vince yells, choking on the words. "You used me. You've used me most egregiously, Lanny. Can you imagine how that felt? Waking up with you gone? No goodbye. No note. No word. For days..."  
  
Lanny takes one last step into the pool, heedless of his clothes. Vince backs away from him.  
  
"I'm sorry,” he says against simply. Vince hates him for how sincere he sounds.  
  
"You already said that but I don't believe you." Now it's Lanny that recoils.  
  
"Have I ever lied to you, Vin?"  
  
"You lie all the time-" Vince begins, ready to run with a vitriolic rant.  
  
"No! That's not what I asked. I asked if I ever lied to _you_ ." Lanny approaches Vince. There's nowhere to go unless Vince wants to clamber awkwardly out the side of the pool and he's not sure he could even manage it with the way the world is swaying.  
  
"No, but- Why are you doing this to me?" Vince is shaking. He feels the words he's tried to keep hidden from Lanny for as long as they've been partners. For the sake of their work. For the sake of the 'marriage', as Lanny so unintentionally cruelly likes to put it.  
  
Lanny reaches him and his hand reaches out, touches Vince's wet hair. He takes off the sunglasses so he can look Vince in the eye. Vince winces, both from the touch and from the sudden brightness.  
  
"I needed some time to figure some things out and being around you... made it difficult to think." He takes a step closer. He drops the sunglasses into the water. "You always make it difficult to think."  
  
Vince looks away from Lanny's face and watches the glasses float away from them, bobbing on the water.  
  
"I only did it because you asked," Vince whispers, ashamed of himself and hating that he feels ashamed. He’s never lied to Lanny before, never blatantly.  
  
"Is that the only reason?" Lanny asks softly. His hands are touching Vince's sides at the waterline. "I know you want me, Vin. I want you too. Let's not pretend there. But... is there..."  
  
Vince's eyes snap up and the world rocks. Or rather, he must sway, because Lanny tightens his grip on his waist to keep him upright. Everything is unfocused and far away and he's still processing that Lanny wants him. He doesn't even realise he's speaking until he's a few sentences in. It spills from him of its own accord.  
  
"What do you want me to say, Lanny? That I love you? That I'm in love with you? That I'd stand by your side onstage every night and sleep in the next room, burning with my desire for you, happily- Happily, if it meant keeping you in my life? That I'd fuck girls with you and swallow down the overwhelming jealousy when I see you buried in someone else, because it allows me the chance to be close to you? To touch and see you like that? Is that what you want me to say?"  
  
Vince gasps. He'd forgotten to breathe. His cheeks are wet and he realises he started crying sometime during that embarrassing confession. Lanny looks stricken and Vince turns to pull away, but Lanny pulls him back, pulls him close.  
  
"Vince-" is all Lanny says before kissing him softly. Lanny's hands slide around and trail up his spine. Lanny, sober. Lanny, here. Lanny, still wanting Vince after everything he just said.  
  
Vince feels dizzy in a whole new way but he lets himself fall, kissing Lanny back with years of repressed passion. He bleeds with it, now that the wound has been opened. And it's a relief. Lanny presses his tongue into Vince's mouth and he moans at the sensation. He clutches at Lanny. He's pretty sure he's drowning and that the sky is actually down. This can't be right, but he can't bring himself to care.  
  
He kisses Lanny madly, desperately, until he feels the edge of the pool at his back. Lanny has backed him up against it and is holding him there. Being trapped like this makes him feel steadier. He breaks the kiss and pants.  
  
"Better?" Lanny asks, just as breathless. Vince nods. "There's one more thing I need to say, Vin. Before this goes any further. I can't- I can't do what I did to you again... Are you clear-headed enough to remember this?"  
  
Lanny looks at him, eyes searching his face. Vince nods again.  
  
"Good, because I want you to remember this, even if it's not the last time you'll hear it: I love you. I'm in love with you. It took me a long time to realise and a longer time to come to terms with it. I hurt you and I'm sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Vin. And I’m sorry for the times I’m going to hurt you. I guarantee I’m going to struggle but I promise you this: I love you. I love you. I fucking love you, Vince Collins. And I'm yours - forever - if you'll have me."

The world rights itself. This is real. Lanny Morris loves him and it’s real. Everything is right once again.

Well, almost- Vince leans forward and kisses Lanny gently.

“I’ll consider it,” he whispers against his partner’s lips. Lanny smiles because he _knows_ Vince and Vince smiles back because he is known. Lanny knows that answer means _Yes_ and _I love you too_.

The world around Vince fades away when Lanny kisses him again properly, but Lanny, himself, remains clear.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my girl, Chiara, for cheering me on and being my alpha audience. And honestly, pretty much my ONLY audience.


End file.
